We’ve all been there.
- You post something meaningful on social media and get no response.
- You make a small mistake at work and spend the next few days replaying it in your head.
- You receive a bit of criticism and it feels like a punch in the stomach.
The usual advice comes quickly.
“Just don’t have expectations”.
“Think positive”.
But honestly, this rarely helps.
It’s like telling someone standing in the rain to stop the rain.
The noise in the mind keeps coming anyway.
To find real peace, we don’t need to fix the noise.
We need to understand why it hurts so much in the first place.
Mistaken Identity
Swami Vivekananda said something very simple and very radical about human misery.
He did not say suffering comes from bad situations or bad luck.
He said it comes from mistaken identity.
We suffer not because something happens,
but because we confuse what we use with who we are.
Instruments and the One Who Uses Them
Think of something ordinary.
When you use a tool and it slips, you don’t say,
“I am broken”.
You immediately know the difference.
The tool is something you use.
You are the one using it.
Vivekananda asked us to apply this same clarity inward.
The body is an instrument for action.
The mind is an instrument for thinking and feeling.
You are the one who uses both.
But we forget this.
When the body is tired, we say, “I am exhausted”.
When the mind is sad, we say, “I am depressed”.
When thoughts are confused, we say, “I am lost”.
According to Vivekananda, this confusion is the real source of pain.
The Ego Quotient
At VedikMind, we describe this confusion using a simple idea. We call it the Ego Quotient.
You can learn more about this here – https://egoquotient.com
Note – this is different from Emotional Quotient (EQ). For the sake of this blog we will use Ego Quotient and EQ interchangeably.
It’s a term we devised to make these ideas easier to understand. There are other terms also which can help understand this like Quiet Ego, but they serve different purpose.
EQ is not about pride.
It is about how tightly identity is stuck to the mind.
A high EQ means no space.
If something goes wrong, you feel wrong.
If a thought appears, it defines you.
A low EQ means some space has opened.
Thoughts still come.
Emotions still arise.
But they are seen as movements in the instrument, not as who you are.
The Inner Screen
Vivekananda explained this again and again in different ways.
Life is like a movie.
Experiences are the scenes.
But you are not the scene.
You are what is watching.
Fire may appear on the screen, but the screen does not burn.
Storms may appear, but the screen remains untouched.
In the same way, praise, failure, joy, and fear come and go.
The one who is aware remains steady.
A Simple Practice
You don’t need to change your personality.
You don’t need to suppress emotion.
Just notice carefully.
A feeling appears.
“I feel embarrassed”.
Pause.
“I am aware of this embarrassment”.
That awareness itself is calm.
The noise may continue, but it no longer owns you.
This is not denial.
It is clarity.
From Fragile to Free
Lowering your EQ does not make you distant or cold.
It makes you strong.
Like a musician who knows the instrument is not the self,
you can tune the mind without collapsing into it.
Sadness may still come.
Fear may still arise.
But they no longer define you.
As Vivekananda pointed out, real strength begins here.
Not in controlling life.
Not in escaping emotion.
But in knowing, deeply and clearly,
I am not the instrument.
I am the one who uses it.
Vedik Mind 