We’ve all been there: Someone makes a snide comment about your outfit. A colleague ignores your suggestion in a meeting. A family member criticizes a choice you made.
In those moments, something inside you “stings.” You feel hot, defensive or suddenly very small. Usually, we blame the other person for “making” us feel bad. But what if those moments were actually a gift? What if the person who just ignored you was actually your Personal Trainer in disguise?
1. The Great Deception: You are Not Your “Story”
Most of our suffering comes from a simple case of mistaken identity. We think we are our reputation, our looks, our successes, or our bank accounts.
In psychology, this is linked to the Default Mode Network (DMN) – the part of the brain that constantly churns out the “Story of Me.” When someone criticizes your shirt or ignores your text, your DMN treats it like a survival threat. It’s the Ego Trap.
The ego convinces you that you are being attacked, when in reality, it’s just a “picture” of you that is being judged.
2. Relatable Traps: The “Ego-Gym” in Action
To see how this works, look at these everyday scenarios where we usually get “hooked”:
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Scenario A: The Judged Outfit. Someone says, “That’s a bold choice for you”. You feel hurt.
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The Shift: Instead of spiraling, you simply realize: “My ego is feeling hurt right now.” You are the one watching the ego feel hurt. The shirt is judged, the ego is bruised, but the “Real You” is untouched.
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Scenario B: The Invisible Text. You send a message and see “Read,” but no reply. You feel unworthy.
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The Shift: Realize that your existence doesn’t depend on their “ping.” You tell yourself: “The ego is seeking validation. I don’t need it to be real.”
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Scenario C: The Ideological Battle. You read a biased article and feel a “heat” in your chest.
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The Shift: You recognize: “My ego is reacting to this opinion because it feels threatened.” By labeling it, the heat begins to cool.
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3. Why “Personal Trainers” are Everywhere
If everyone always agreed with you and praised you, your “Internal Strength” would stay weak. You would be a slave to other people’s opinions.
People who ignore or criticize you are actually providing the resistance you need to grow. Every time someone “stings” you and you choose to observe it rather than react to it, you are doing a “rep” in the Ego-Gym.
| The Situation | The Ego Reaction (Weakness) | The Awareness Shift (Strength) |
| Criticism | “They are wrong! I need to defend myself!” | “The ego is feeling a sting. I am watching it.” |
| Being Ignored | “Why don’t they like me? Am I not enough?” | “The ego is seeking a mirror. I am already whole.” |
| Expectations | “They should have done what I wanted!” | “My internal script didn’t match reality. Ego is upset.” |
4. Samatva: Finding Your Balance
The goal is a state called Samatva, or “Evenness.” It means being like a mountain. The weather changes—sometimes it’s sunny (praise), sometimes it’s stormy (criticism)—but the mountain stays exactly where it is.
When you start labeling your feelings as “the ego reacting,” you stop being a victim. You realize that you don’t need the world to be “nice” for you to be at peace. You are training yourself to be unshakable.
The 3-Second Practice
Next time you feel a sting of anger or hurt, try this:
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Pause for 3 seconds.
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Label it: “That’s the ego feeling hurt/ignored.”
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Breathe: Remind yourself that the part of you that is watching the feeling isn’t the one having the feeling.
The world isn’t happening to you; it’s happening for your practice. Welcome to the gym.
Vedik Mind 